The Story Behind the Soup <31 January 2005, Monday>

(17:28:22) Robert: This is really odd. I got a completely bogus grade for my CS HW1 (17:28:32) Miss Heather: what? (17:28:45) Robert: A 35/50 (17:28:59) Miss Heather: schwhat? (17:29:05) Robert: It says I only got 10/25 for the first part of the assignment, which was just the GTBasketball class. (17:29:19) Robert: It makes absolutely no sense! (17:29:52) Miss Heather: that is senseless. hey... I got 50/50. (17:29:54) Miss Heather: woohoo! (17:29:57) Robert: No fair! (17:30:14) Miss Heather: which means I'm doing better than you in CS. haha. (17:30:21) Robert: Blah! (17:30:40) Miss Heather: that's okay. it probably won't last long. (17:30:42) Robert: I'll have those 15 points or the TAs' kneecaps, one way or the other. (17:30:55) Miss Heather: what do you want with his kneecaps? (17:31:09) Robert: Soup. (17:31:29) Miss Heather: what kind? (17:31:34) Robert: Kneecap soup. (17:31:49) Robert: I know a great recipe. (17:32:30) Robert: I'll be right back (17:32:43) Miss Heather: gotta go fetch that recipe, eh? (17:38:03) Robert: Here it is: 3-4 kneecaps (lightly bruised), 2 cups of sugar, 1 Tbsp cinnamon, 3 eggs, 1 cup milk, 2 tsp ginger, 3 cups of flower. (17:38:09) Robert: Mixed. (17:38:28) Miss Heather: what kind of flower? (17:38:33) Robert: White (17:38:40) Robert: *flour (17:38:42) Robert: Shoot. (17:38:42) Miss Heather: so daisies would do? (17:38:46) Robert: Daisies, yes. (17:39:00) Robert: Lilacs will work, too, but it will have a different flavour. (17:39:38) Robert: Anyway, that doesn't make a soup, and probably doesn't make anything more than a suggary congealed mess. (17:39:45) Robert: So, I think this recipe is wrong. (17:40:05) Miss Heather: have you even tried it? you said you had a good recipe. you lied! (17:40:21) Robert: Not so much a lie as hearsay. (17:40:44) Robert: There's a difference! (17:41:47) Miss Heather: I suppose the mistake can be overlooked this time. good thing I didn't try that recipe and then die. (17:42:29) Robert: You wouldn't have died! It just might not have tasted very good. Those are all perfectly edible ingredients. (17:43:12) Robert: Well, the kneecaps might be stretching it a bit, but as long as they're thoroughly cooked I have it on good authority that they have a pleasant crunchy texture. (17:43:19) Robert: Eew. (17:43:56) Miss Heather: I'm not taking anymore second-hand information from you. (17:44:37) Robert: Very well. (17:44:47) Robert: I don't want to give it to you, anyway! (17:45:10) Miss Heather: I know you're selfish. (17:45:24) Robert: It's my favorite kind of fish.

The following recipe takes in your current homework grade and adds 15 points to it. Kneecap Soup. This recipe can be made with either daisies or lilacs, though the flavour will differ. I added water which was not in the original recipe to make it a bit more broth-like. Though the recipe can be made with up to four kneecaps, my version requires only two so that only one TA's knees are needed. Kneecaps should be slightly bruised. This soup is great served with a plate of revenge. You'll get those 15 points one way or another. Ingredients. 2 kneecaps 2 cups sugar 1 tablespoon cinnamon 3 eggs 1 cup milk 2 teaspoons ginger 3 cups flower 6 cups water Method. Put the water into the mixing bowl. Boil the water. Add the kneecaps. Simmer water until boiled. Divide the eggs into the mixing bowl. Remove the kneecaps from the mixing bowl. Combine sugar into the mixing bowl. Add ginger into the mixing bowl. Pound the ginger. Add the cinnamon. Beat ginger until pounded. Add flower into the mixing bowl. Take milk from refrigerator. Add milk into the mixing bowl. Pour contents of the mixing bowl into the baking dish. Serves 1.

This version of the recipe displays a warning message to careless graders. An Alternate Kneecap Soup. This is another recipe for kneecap soup that was once given to me. I find that some of the ingredients are hard to acquire and the quantity of saidingredients makes it unrealistic to make so I have revised it greatly, but I thought you might want to see this alternate recipe. Ingredients. 107 kneecaps 115 cups sugar 110 tablespoon cinnamon 101 eggs 101 cups milk 32 teaspoons ginger 121 cups lilacs 111 cups daisies 117 cups zinias 114 cups dandelions 32 teaspoons spite 87 tablespoons malice 97 heaped teaspoons jealousy 116 ml bad grades 99 g childhood angst 104 pinches competitive spirit Method. Put sugar into the mixing bowl. Put eggs into the mixing bowl. Put milk into the mixing bowl. Put cinnamon into the mixing bowl. Put kneecaps into the mixing bowl. Put ginger into the mixing bowl. Put dandelions into the mixing bowl. Put zinias into the mixing bowl. Put daisies into the mixing bowl. Put lilacs into the mixing bowl. Put spite into the mixing bowl. Put competitive spirit into the mixing bowl. Put childhood angst into the mixing bowl. Put bad grades into the mixing bowl. Put jealousy into the mixing bowl. Put malice into the mixing bowl. Liquify contents of the mixing bowl. Pour contents of the mixing bowl into the baking dish. Serves 1.